百度搜索 the notebook或 the notebook 本站 即可找到本书最新章节.
her one of theved as they faced each other.
he hadnt said anything, his scles seed frozen, and for a sed she thought he didnt reize her. suddenly she felt guilty about showing up this way, without warning, and this de it harder. she had thought it would be easier sohow, that she would know what to say. but she didnt. everything that ca into her head seed inappropriate, sohow lag.
thoughts of the suer theyd shared ca back to her, and as she stared at hi she noticed how little hed ged since shed last seen hi he looked good, she thought. with his shirt tucked loosely into old faded jeans, shuld see the sa broad shoulders she reered, tapering down to narrow hips and a flat stoch. he was tan, too, as if hed worked outside all suer, and though his hair was a little thinner and lighter than she reered, he looked the sa as he had when shed known hilast.
when she was finally ready, she took a deep breath and sled.
&a;a;a;quot;hello, noah. its good to see you again.&a;a;a;quot; her ent startled hi and he looked at her with azent in his eyes. then, after shaking his head slightly, he slowly began to sle.
&a;a;a;quot;you too?&a;a;a;quot; he staered. he brought his hand to his , and she noticed he hadnt shaved. &a;a;a;quot;its really you, isnt it? i t believe it.&a;a;a;quot;
she heard the sho his voice as he spoke, and surprising her, it all ca together - being here, seeing hi she felt sothing twitside, sothing deep and old, sothing that de her dizzy for just a sed.
she caught herself fighting for trol. she hadnt expected this to happen, didnt want it to happen. she was engaged now. she hadnt e here for this.., yet... yet... yet the feeli oe herself, and for a brief nt she felt fifteen agai as she hadnt in years, as if all her dreald still e true.
felt as though shed finally e ho. without another word they ca together, as if it were the st natural thing in the world, a his ar around her, drawing her close. they held each htly, king it real, both of theletting the fourteen years of separation dissolve in the deepening twilight.
they stayed like that for a long ti before she finally pulled back to look at hi
up close, shuld see the ges she hadnt noticed at first. he was a n now, and his face had lost the softness of youth. the faint lines around his eyes had deepened, and there was a scar on histhat hadhere before. there was a new edge to hi he seed less i, re cautious, ahe way he was holding her de her realize how ch shed ssed hisince shed seen hilast.
her eyes bried with tears as they finally released each other. she laughed nervously under her breath while wiping the tears frothe ers of her eyes.
&a;a;a;quot;are you okay?&a;a;a;quot; he asked, a thousand other questions on his face.
&a;a;a;quot;isorry, i dido cry ... &a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;its okay,&a;a;a;quot; he said, sling, &a;a;a;quot;i still t believe its you. how did you find ?&a;a;a;quot;
she stepped back, trying to pose herself, wiping away the last of her tears.
&a;a;a;quot;i saw the story on the house in the raleigh paper uple of weeks ago, and i had to e see you again.&a;a;a;quot;
noah sled broadly. &a;a;a;quot;iglad you did.&a;a;a;quot; he stepped back just a bit. &a;a;a;quot;god, you look fantastic. youre eveier now than you were then.&a;a;a;quot;
she felt the blood in her face. just like fourteen years ago.
&a;a;a;quot;thank you. you look great, too.&a;a;a;quot; and he did, no doubt about it. the years had treated hiwell.
&a;a;a;quot;so what have you been up to? why are you here?&a;a;a;quot;
his questions brought her back to the present, king her realize whauld happen if she wasnt careful. dohis get out of hand, she told herself; the lo goes on, the harder its going to be. and she didnt want it to get any harder.
but god, those eyes. those soft, dark eyes. she turned away and took a deep breath, w how to say it, and when she finally started, her voice was quiet. &a;a;a;quot;noah, before you get the wrong idea, i did want to see you again, but theres re to it than just that.&a;a;a;quot; she paused for a sed. &a;a;a;quot;i ca here for a reason. theres sothing i have to tell you.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;what is it?&a;a;a;quot;
she looked away and didnt answer for a nt, surprised that shuldnt tell hijust yet. in the silenoah felt a sinking feeling in his stoch. whatever it was was bad.
&a;a;a;quot;i dont know how to say it. i thought i did at first, but now inot so sure ...&a;a;a;quot;
the air was suddenly rattled by the sharp cry of a ra, and cleca out frouhe porch, barking gruffly. both of thetur the otion, and allie was glad for the distra.
&a;a;a;quot;is he yours?&a;a;a;quot; she asked.
noah nodded, feeling the tightness in his stoch. &a;a;a;quot;actually its a she. clentines her na. but yeah, shes all ne.&a;a;a;quot;
they both watched as cleshook her head, stretched, then waoward the sounds. allies eyes widened just a bit when she saw her li away.
&a;a;a;quot;what happe?&a;a;a;quot; she asked, stalling for ti.
&a;a;a;quot;hit by a car a few nths back. doc harrison, the vet, calledto see if i wanted her because her owner didnt anyre. after i saw what had happened, i guess i jusuld her be put down (slang); kill or destroy (anils).&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;you were always nice like that,&a;a;a;quot; she said, trying to relax. she paused, then looked past hitoward the house. &a;a;a;quot;you did a wonderful job rest it. it looks perfect, just like i k would soday.&a;a;a;quot;
he turned his head in the sa dire as hers while he wondered about the sll talk and what she was holding back.
&a;a;a;quot;thanks, thats nice of you. it was quite a project, though. i dont know if i would do it again.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;ourse you would,&a;a;a;quot; she said. she kly how he felt about this place. but then, she knew how he felt about everything - or at least she had a long ti ago.
and with that thought, she realized how ch had ged sihen. they were strangers now; shuld tell by looking at hi could tell that fourteen years apart was a long ti. too long.
&a;a;a;quot;what is it, allie?&a;a;a;quot; he turo her, pellio look, but she tio stare at the house.
&a;a;a;quot;ibeing rather silly, arent i?&a;a;a;quot; she asked, trying to sle.
&a;a;a;quot;what do you an?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;this whole thing. showing up out of the blue, not knowing what i want to say. you st think icrazy.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;youre not crazy,&a;a;a;quot; he said gently. he reached for her hand, and she let hihold it as they stood o one another. he went on: &a;a;a;quot;even though i dont know why, isee this is hard for you. why dont we go for a walk?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;like we used to?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;why not? i thiuld use one.&a;a;a;quot;
she hesitated and looked to his front door. &a;a;a;quot;do you o tell anyone?&a;a;a;quot;
he shook his head. &a;a;a;quot;no, theres no oo tell. its justand cle&a;a;a;quot;
even though shed asked, she had suspected there wouldnt be anyone else, and inside she didnt know how to feel about that. but it did ke what she wao say a little harder. it would have been easier if there was soone else.
they started toward the river and turned on a path he bank. she let go of his hand, surprising hi and walked on with just enough distaween theso that theuldnt actally touch.
he looked at her. she retty still, with thick hair and soft eyes, and she ved so gracefully that it alst seed as though she were gliding. hed seeiful won before, though, won who caught his eye, but to his nd they usually lacked the traits he found st desirable. traits like intelligence, fiderength of spirit, passion, traits that inspired others to greatness, traits he aspired to hielf.
allie had those traits, he knew, and as they walked now, he seheonce again lingerih the surface. &a;a;a;quot;a living poea;a;quot; had always been the words that ca to nd wheried to describe her to others.
&a;a;a;quot;how long have you been back here?&a;a;a;quot; she asked as the path gave way to a sll grass hill.
&a;a;a;quot;since last deceer. i worked up north for a while, thehe last three years in europe.&a;a;a;quot;
she looked to hiwith questions in her eyes. &a;a;a;quot;the war?&a;a;a;quot;
he nodded and she went on. &a;a;a;quot;i thought you ght be there. iglad you de it out okay.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;me too,&a;a;a;quot; he said.
&a;a;a;quot;are you glad to be bae?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;yeah. my roots are here. this is where isupposed to be.&a;a;a;quot; he paused. &a;a;a;quot;but what about you?&a;a;a;quot; he asked the question softly, suspeg the worst.
it was a long nt before she answered. &a;a;a;quot;iengaged.&a;a;a;quot;
he looked down when she said it, suddenly feeling just a bit weaker. so that was it. thats what she o tell hi
&a;a;a;quot;gratulations,&a;a;a;quot; he finally said, w how ving he sounded. &a;a;a;quot;whens the big day?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;three weeks frosaturday. lon wanted a noveer wedding.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;lon?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;lon haond jr. my fiancé.&a;a;a;quot;
he nodded, not surprised. the haonds were one of the st powerful and iial falies iate. oney. uhat of his own father, the death of lon haond sr. had de the front page of the neer.
&a;a;a;quot;ive heard of the his father built quite a business. did lon take over for hi&a;a;a;quot;
she shook her head. &a;a;a;quot;no, hes a lawyer. he has his own practice downto;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;with his na, he st be busy.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;he is. he works a lot.&a;a;a;quot;
he thought he heard sothing ione, and thequestion ca autotically. &a;a;a;quot;does he treat you well?&a;a;a;quot;
she didnt answer right away, as if she were sidering the question for the first ti. then: &a;a;a;quot;yes. hes a good n, noah. you would like hi&a;a;a;quot;
her voice was distant when she answered, or at least he thought it was. noah wondered if it was just his nd playing tricks on hi
&a;a;a;quot;hows your daddy doing?&a;a;a;quot; she asked. noah took uple of steps before answering.
&a;a;a;quot;he passed on 去世 earlier this year, right after i got back.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;isorry,&a;a;a;quot; she said softly, knowing how ch he had ant to noah.
he nodded, and the two walked in silence for a nt. they reached the top of the hill and stopped. the oak tree was in the distance, with the sun glowing e behind it. alliuld feel his eyes on her as she stared in that dire.
&a;a;a;quot;a lot of ries there, allie.&a;a;a;quot;
she sled. &a;a;a;quot;i know. i saw it when i ca in. do you reer the day we spent there?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;yes,&a;a;a;quot; he answered, volunteering no re.
&a;a;a;quot;do you ever think about it?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;sotis,&a;a;a;quot; he said. &a;a;a;quot;usually when iw out this way. it sits onproperty no;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;you bought it?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;i jusuldo see it turned into kit ets.&a;a;a;quot;
she laughed under her breath, feeling strangely pleased about that. &a;a;a;quot;do you still read poetry?”
he nodded. &a;a;a;quot;yeah. i opped. i guess its inblood.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;do you know, youre the only poet ive ever t.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;ino poet. i read, but i t write a verse. ive tried.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;youre still a poet, noah taylor calhoun.&a;a;a;quot; her voice softened. &a;a;a;quot;i still think about it a lot. it was the first ti anyone ever read poetry tobefore. in fact, its the only ti.&a;a;a;quot;
her ent de both of thedrift bad reer as they slowly circled back to the house, following a new path that passed he dock.
as the sun dropped a little lower and the sky turned e, he asked: &a;a;a;quot;so, how long are you staying?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;i dont know. not long. maybe until torrow or theday.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;is your fiancé here on business?&a;a;a;quot;
she shook her head. &a;a;a;quot;no, hes still in raleigh.&a;a;a;quot;
noah raised his eyebrows. &a;a;a;quot;does he know youre here?&a;a;a;quot;
she shook her head again and answered slowly. &a;a;a;quot;no. i told hii was looking for antiques. he wouldnt uanding here.&a;a;a;quot;
noah was a little surprised by her answer. it was ohing to e and visit, but it was airely different tter to hide the truth froher fiancé.
&a;a;a;quot;you didnt have to e here to tellyou were engaged. yould have writteninstead, or even called.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;i know. but for so reason, i had to do it in person.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;why?&a;a;a;quot;
she hesitated. &a;a;a;quot;i dont know . . . ,&a;a;a;quot; she said, trailing off, and the way she said it de hibelieve her. the gravel ched beh their feet as they walked in silence for a few steps. then he asked:
&a;a;a;quot;allie, do you love hi&a;a;a;quot;
she answered autotically. &a;a;a;quot;yes, i love hi&a;a;a;quot;
the words hurt. but agaihought he heard sothing ione, as if she were saying it to vince herself. he stopped aly took her shoulders in his hands, king her face hi the fading sunlight reflected in her eyes as he spoke.
&a;a;a;quot;if youre happy, allie, and you love hi i wont try to stop yoing ba. but if theres a part of you that isnt sure, then dont do it. this isnt the kind of thing you go into halfway.&a;a;a;quot;
her answer ca alst too quickly. &a;a;a;quot;iking the right decision, noah.&a;a;a;quot;
he stared for a sed, w if he believed her. then he nodded and the two began to walk again. after a nt he said: &a;a;a;quot;inot king this easy for you, ai?&a;a;a;quot;
she sled a little. &a;a;a;quot;its okay. i really t bla you.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;isorry anyway.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;doheres no reason to be sorry. ithe one who should be apologizing. maybe i should have written.&a;a;a;quot;
he shook his head. &a;a;a;quot;to be ho, istill glad you ca. despite everything. its good to see you again.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;thank you, noah.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;do you think it would be possible to start over (began again)?”
she looked at hicuriously.
&a;a;a;quot;you were the best friend i ever had, allie. id still like to be friends, even if you are engaged, and even if it is just for uple of days. how about we just kind of get to know each ain?&a;a;a;quot;
she thought about it, thought about staying or leaving, and decided that since he knew about her e, it would probably be all right. or at least n.
she sled slightly and nodded. &a;a;a;quot;id like that.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;good. how about dinner? i knolace that serves the best crab in to;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;sounds great. where?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;my house. ive had the traps out all week, and i saw that i had so good ones caged uple days ago. do you nd?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;no, that sounds fine.&a;a;a;quot;
he sled and pointed over his shoulder with his thu. &a;a;a;quot;great. theyre at the dock. ill just be uple of nutes.&a;a;a;quot;
allie watched hiwalk away and noticed the tension shed felt when telling hiabout her e was beginning to fade. closing her eyes, she ran her hands through her hair ahe light breeze fan her cheek. she took a deep breath and held it for a nt, feeling the scles in her shoulders further relax as she exhaled. finally, opening her eyes, she stared at the beauty that surrounded her.
she always loved evenings like this, evenings where the faint aro of autu leaves rode on the backs of soft southern winds. she loved the trees and the sounds they de. listening to thehelped her relax even re. after a nt, she turoward noah and looked at hialst as a stranger ght.
god, he looked good. even after all this ti. she watched hias he reached for a rope that hung ier. he began to pull it, ae the darkening sky, she saw the scles in his arflex as he lifted the cage frothe water. he let it hang over the river for a nt and shook it, letting st of the water escape. after setting the trap on the dock, he ope and began to reve the crabs one by one, plag theinto a bucket.
she started walking toward hithen, listening to the crickets chirp, and reered a lesson frochildhood. she ted the nuer of chirps in a nute and added twenty-nine. sixty-seven degrees, she thought as she sled to herself. she didnt know if it was aurate, but it felt abht.
as she walked, she looked around and realized she had fotten how fresh aiful everything seed here. over her shoulder, she saw the house in the distance. he had left uple of lights on, and it seed to be the only house around. at least the only oh electricity. out here, outside the town lits, nothing was certain. thousands of try hos still lacked the luxury of indhting.
she stepped on the dod it creaked under her foot. the sound rended her of a rusty squeeze-box, and noah glanced up and wihe back to cheg the crabs, king sure they were the right size. she walked to the rocker that sat on the dod touched it, running her hand along the back. shuld picture hisitting in it, fishing, thinking, reading. it was old aher-beaten, rough feeling.
she wondered how ch ti he spent here alone, and she wondered about his thoughts at tis like those.
&a;a;a;quot;it wasdaddys chair,&a;a;a;quot; he said, not looking up, and she nodded. she saw bats in the sky, and frogs had joihe crickets in their evening harny.
she walked to the other side of the dock, feeling a sense of closure. a pulsion had driven her here, and for the first ti in three weeks the feeling was gone.
shed sohow needed noah to know about her e, to uand, to aept it - she was sure of that now - and while thinking of hi she was rended of sothing theyd shared frothe suer they were together. with head down, she paced around slowly, looking for it until she found it - the carving.
noah loves allie,
in a heart. carved into the dock a few days before shed left.
a breeze broke the stillness and chilled her, king her cross her ar. she stood that way, alternately looking down at the carving and then toward the river, until she heard hireach her side. shuld feel his closeness, his warh, as she spoke.
&a;a;a;quot;its so peaceful here,&a;a;a;quot; she said, her voice dreaike.
&a;a;a;quot;i know. i e down here a lot now just to be close to the water. it kesfeel good.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;i would, too, if i were you.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;e os go. the squitoes are getting vicious, and istarved.&a;a;a;quot;
the sky had turned black, and noah started toward the house, allie right beside hi
in the silence her nd wandered, and she felt a little light-headed as she walked along the path. she wondered what he was thinking about her being here and wasly sure if she knew herself. when they reached the house uple of nutes later, clegreeted thewith a wet nose in the wrong plaoah tioned her away, and she left with her tail between her legs.
he poio her car. &a;a;a;quot;did you leave anything ihat you o get out?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;no, i got in earlier and unpacked already.&a;a;a;quot; her voice sounded different to her, as if the years had suddenly been undone.
&a;a;a;quot;good enough,&a;a;a;quot; he said as he reached the back pord started up the steps. he set the bucket by the door, thehe way inside, heading toward the kit.
it was on the iediate right, large and slling of new wood. the ets had been done in oak, as was the floor, and the windows were large and faced east, allowing the light frosun. it was a tasteful restoration, not overdone as was on when hos like this were rebuilt.
&a;a;a;quot;do you nd if i look around?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;no, go ahead. i did so shopping earlier, and i still have to put the groceries away.&a;a;a;quot;
their eyes t for a sed, and allie knew as she turhat he tio watch her as she left the roo inside she felt that little twitch again.
she toured the house for thefew nutes, walking through the roo, notig how wonderful it looked. by the ti shed finished, it was hard to reer how run-down it had been. she ca dowairs, turoward the kit, and saw his profile. for a sed he looked like a young n of seventeen again, and it de her pause a split sed befoing on. da, she thought, get a hold of yourself. reer that youre engaged now.
he was standing by the ter, uple of et doors open wide, ety grocery bags on the floor, whistling quietly. he sled at her before putting a few re s into one of the ets. she stopped a few feet frohiand leaned against the ter, one leg over the other. she shook her head, azed at how ch he had done.
&a;a;a;quot;its unbelievable, noah. how long did the restoration take?&a;a;a;quot;
he looked up frothe last bag he was unpag. &a;a;a;quot;alst a year.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;did you do it yourself?&a;a;a;quot;
he laughed under his breath. &a;a;a;quot;no. i always thought i would when i was young, and i started that way. but it was just too ch. it would have taken years, and so i ended up hiring so people.., actually a lot of people. but even with the it was still a lot of work, and st of the ti i didnt stop until past dnight.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;whyd you work so hard?&a;a;a;quot;
ghosts, he wao say, but didnt. &a;a;a;quot;i dont know. just wao finish, i guess. do you want anything to drink before i start dinner?”
&a;a;a;quot;what do you have?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;not ch, really. beer, teaffee.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;tea sounds good.&a;a;a;quot;
he gathered the grocery bags and put theaway, then walked to a sll roooff the kit before returning with a box of tea. he pulled out uple of teabags aheby the stove, then filled the teapot. after putting it on the burner, he lit a tch, and she heard the sound of flas as they ca to life.
&a;a;a;quot;itll be just a nute,&a;a;a;quot; he said. &a;a;a;quot;this stove heats up pretty quick.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;thats fine.&a;a;a;quot;
ot whistled, he poured two cups and handed oo her.
she sled and took a sip, then tiooward the windo;quot;ill bet the kit is beautiful when the light shines in.&a;a;a;quot;
he nodded. &a;a;a;quot;it is. i had larger windows put in on this side of the house for just that reason. even in the bedroo upstairs.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;isure yuests enjoy that. unless ourse they want to sleep late.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;actually, i havent had any guests stay over yet. sincedaddy passed on, i dont really know who to invite.&a;a;a;quot;
by his tone, she knew he was just kiio for so reason it de her feel.., lonely. he seed to realize how she was feeling, but before shuld dwell on it, he ged the subject.
&a;a;a;quot;igoing to get the crabs in to rieep or soak (at or fish) in a spicy sauce) for a few nutes before i steae&a;a;a;quot; he said, putting his cup oer. he went to the cupboard and reved a large pot with a stear and lid. he brought the pot to the sink, added water, then carried it to the stove.
&a;a;a;quot; i give you a hand with sothing?&a;a;a;quot;
he answered over his shoulder. &a;a;a;quot;sure. how about cutting up so vegetables for the fryer. theres plenty in the icebox, and youfind a bowl over there.&a;a;a;quot;
he tioo the et he sink, and she took another sip of tea before setting her cup oer arieving the bowl. she carried it to the icebox and found so okra, zui, onions, and carrots otoshelf. noah joined her in front of the open door, and she ved to ke roofor hi shuld sll hias he stood o her - , faliar, distinctive - a his arbrush against her as he leaned over and reached inside. he reved a beer and a bottle of hot sauce, theuro the stove.
noah opehe beer and poured it ier, then added the hot saud so other seasoning as well. after stirring the water to ke sure the powders were dissolved, he went to the back door to get the crabs.
he paused for a nt befoing baside and stared at allie, watg her cut the carrots. as he did that, he wondered again why she had e, especially now that she was engaged. none of this seed to ke ch seo hi
but then, allie had always been surprising. he sled to hielf, reering back to the way she had been. fiery, spontaneous, passionate - as he igined st artists to be. and she was defihat. artistic talent like hers was a gift. he reered seeing so paintings in the seu in new york and thinking that her work was just as good as what he had seen there.
she had given hia painting before shed left that suer. it hung above the firepla the living roo shed called it a picture of her drea, and to hiit had seed extrely sensual. when he looked at it, aen did late in the evening, huld see desire in thlors and the lines, and if he focused carefully, huld igine what she had been thinking with every stroke.
a dog barked in the distance, and noah realized he had been standing with the door open a long ti. he quickly closed it, turning back to the kit. and as he walked, he wondered if she had noticed how long hed been gone.
&a;a;a;quot;hows it going?&a;a;a;quot; he asked, seeing she was alst finished.
&a;a;a;quot;good. ialst done here. anything else for dinner?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;i have so hode bread that i lanning on.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;hode?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;froa neighbor,&a;a;a;quot; he said as he put the pail in the sink. he started the faucet and began to rihe crabs, holding theuhe water, theing thescurry around the sink while he riheone. allie picked up her cup and ca over to watch hi
&a;a;a;quot;arent you afraid theyll pinch you when you grab the&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;no. just grab elike this,&a;a;a;quot; he said, denstrating, and she sled.
&a;a;a;quot;i fet youve dohis your whole life.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;new berns sll, but it does teach you how to do the things that tter.&a;a;a;quot;
she leaned against the ter, standing close to hi aied her cup. when the crabs were ready he put thei oove. he washed his hands, turning to speak to her as he did so.
&a;a;a;quot;you want to sit on the porch for a few nutes? id like to let esoak for a half hour.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;sure,&a;a;a;quot; she said.
he wiped his hands, and together they went to the back poroah flipped on the light as they went outside, a in the older rocker,the newer oo her. when he saw her cup was ety, he went inside for a nt and erged with another cup of tea and a beer for hielf. he held out the cup and she took it, sipping again before she set it oable beside the chairs.
&a;a;a;quot;you were sitting out here when i ca, werent you?&a;a;a;quot;
he answered as he de hielf fortable. &a;a;a;quot;yeah. i sit out here every night. its a habit no;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;isee why,&a;a;a;quot; she said as she looked around. &a;a;a;quot;so, what is it you do these days?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;actually, i dont do anything but work on the house right now. it satisfiescreative urges.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;howyou... i an...&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;moldn.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;excuse ?&a;a;a;quot;
he sled. &a;a;a;quot;my old boss froup north. his na was moldn. he offereda part of the business just as i enlisted and died before i got ho. when i got back to the states, his lawyers gavea check big enough to buy this plad fix it up.&a;a;a;quot;
she laughed under her breath. &a;a;a;quot;you always toldyoud find a way to do it.&a;a;a;quot;
they both sat quietly for a nt, thinking back again. allie took another sip of tea. &a;a;a;quot;do you reer sneaking over here the night you first toldabout this place?&a;a;a;quot;
he nodded, and she went on:
&a;a;a;quot;i got ho a little late that evening, andparents were furious when i finally ca in. istill picturedaddy standing in the living roosking a cigarette,ther on the sofa staring straight ahead. i swear, they looked as if a faly er had died. that was the first tiparents knew i was serious about you, andther had a long talk withlater that night. she said to , isure you think that i dont uand what yoing through, but i do. its just that sotis, our future is dictated by what we are, as opposed to what we want. i reer being really hurt when she said that.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;you toldabout it theday. it hurtfeelings, too. i liked your parents, and i had no idea they didnt like .&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;it wasnt that they didnt like you. they didnt think you deserved .&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;theres not ch difference.&a;a;a;quot;
there was a sadness in his voice when he responded, and she knew he was right to feel that way. she looked toward the stars while she ran her hand through her hair, pulling back the strands that had fallen onto her face.
&a;a;a;quot;i know that. i always did. maybe thats whyther and i always seeto have a distaween us whealk.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;how do you feel about it no;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;the sa as i did back then. that its wrong, that it isnt fair. it was a terrible thing firl to learn. that status is re iortant than feelings.
noah sled softly at her answer but said nothing.
&a;a;a;quot;ive thought about you ever sihat suer, she said.
&a;a;a;quot;you have?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;why wouldnt you think so?&a;a;a;quot; she seed genuinely surprised.
&a;a;a;quot;you never answeredletters.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;you wrote?”
&a;a;a;quot;dozens of letters. i wrote you for two years without receiving a single reply.&a;a;a;quot;
she slowly shook her head before l her eyes. &a;a;a;quot;i didnt know... ,&a;a;a;quot; she finally said, quietly, and he k st have been her ther, cheg the il, reving the letters without her knowledge. it was what he had always suspected, ached as allie ca to the sa realization.
&a;a;a;quot;it was wrong of her to do that, noah, and isorry she did. but try to uand. once i left, she probably thought it would be easier forto just let it go. she never uood how eant to , and to be ho, i dont even know if she ever lovedfather the way i loved you. in her nd, she was just trying to protectfeelings, and she probably thought the best way to do that was to hide the letters you sent.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;that wasnt her decision to ke,&a;a;a;quot; he said quietly.
&a;a;a;quot;i kno;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;would it have de a difference even if youd got the&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;ourse. i always wondered what you were up to.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;no, i an with us. do you think we would have de it?&a;a;a;quot;
it took a nt for her to answer. &a;a;a;quot;i dont know, noah. i really dont, and you doher. were not the sa people we were then. weve ged, weve grown. both of us.&a;a;a;quot;
she paused. he didnt respond, and in the silence she looked toward the creek. she went on: &a;a;a;quot;but yes, noah, i think we would have. at least, id like to think we would have.&a;a;a;quot;
he nodded, looked down, then turned away. &a;a;a;quot;whats lon like?&a;a;a;quot;
she hesitated, not expeg the question. bringing up lons na brought slight feelings of guilt to the surface, and for a nt she didnt know how to answer.
she reached for her cup, took another sip of tea, and listened as a woodpecker tapped in the distance. she spoke quietly. &a;a;a;quot;lons handso, charng, and suessful, and st offriends are insanely jealous. they think hes perfect, and in a lot of ways he is. hes kind to , he keslaugh, and i know he lovesin his own way.&a;a;a;quot; she paused for a ntlleg her thoughts. &a;a;a;quot;but theres always going to be sothing ssing in our relationship.&a;a;a;quot;
she surprised herself with her answer but k was true heless. and she also knew by looking at hithat noah had suspected the answer in advance.
&a;a;a;quot;why?&a;a;a;quot;
she sled weakly and shrugged as she answered. her voice was barely above a whisper. &a;a;a;quot;i guess i still look for the kind of love we had that suer.&a;a;a;quot;
noah thought about what she had said for a long while, thinking about the relationships hed 藏书网had since hed last seen her.
&a;a;a;quot;how about you?&a;a;a;quot; she asked. &a;a;a;quot;did you ever think about us?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;all the ti. i still do.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;are you seeing anyone?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;no,&a;a;a;quot; he answered, shaking his head.
both of theseed to think about that, trying but finding it iossible to displace frotheir nds. noah finished his beer, surprised that he had etied it so quickly.
&a;a;a;quot;igoing to go start the water.i get you anything?&a;a;a;quot;
she shook her head, and noah went to the kit and put the crabs iear and the bread in the oven. he found so flour and starch for the vegetablesated the and put so grease into the frying pan. after turning the heat on low, he set a tir and pulled another beer frothe icebox before heading back to the porch. and while he was doing those things, he thought about allie and the love that was ssing froboth their lives.
allie, too, was thinking. about noah, about herself, about a lot of things. for a nt she wished she werent engaged but then quickly cursed herself. it wasnt noah she loved; she loved what they once had been. besides, it was norl to feel this way. her first real love, the only n shed ever been with - hould she expect tet hi yet was it norl for her io twitch whenever he ca near? was it norl to fess things shuld ell anyone else? was it norl to e here three weeks froher wedding day?
&a;a;a;quot;no, its not,&a;a;a;quot; she finally whispered to herself as she looked to the evening sky. &a;a;a;quot;theres nothing norl about any of this.&a;a;a;quot;
noah ca out at that nt and she sled at hi glad hed e back so she didnt have to think about it anyre. &a;a;a;quot;its going to take a few nutes,&a;a;a;quot; he said as he sat back down.
&a;a;a;quot;thats fine. inot that hungry yet.&a;a;a;quot;
he looked at her then, and she saw the softness in his eyes. &a;a;a;quot;iglad you ca, allie,&a;a;a;quot; he said.
&a;a;a;quot;me too. i alst didnt, though.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;why did you e?&a;a;a;quot;
i elled, she wao say, but didnt. &a;a;a;quot;just to see you, to find out what youve been up to. to see how you are.&a;a;a;quot;
he wondered if that was all but didnt question further. instead he ged the subject.
&a;a;a;quot;by the way, ive been aning to ask, do you still paint?&a;a;a;quot;
she shook her head. &a;a;a;quot;not anyre.&a;a;a;quot;
he was stunned. &a;a;a;quot;why not? you have so ch talent.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;i dont kno;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;sure you do. you stopped for a reason.&a;a;a;quot;
he was right. shed had a reason.&a;a;a;quot; its a long story.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;ive got all night,&a;a;a;quot; he answered.
&a;a;a;quot;did you really think i was talented?&a;a;a;quot; she asked quietly.
&a;a;a;quot;,&a;a;a;quot; he said, reag for her hand, &a;a;a;quot;i want to show you sothing.&a;a;a;quot;
she got up and followed hithrough the door to the living roo he stopped in front of the fireplad poio the painting that hung above the ntel. she gasped, surprised she hadnt noticed it earlier, re surprised it was here at all. &a;a;a;quot;you kept it?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;ourse i kept it. its wonderful.&a;a;a;quot;
she gave hia skeptical look, and he explained. &a;a;a;quot;it kesfeel alive when i look at it. sotis i have to get up and touch it. its just so real - the shapes, the shadows, thlors. i even dreaabout it sotis. its incredible, allie - istare at it for hours.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;youre serious,&a;a;a;quot; she said, shocked.
&a;a;a;quot;as serious as ive ever been.&a;a;a;quot;
she didnt say anything.
&a;a;a;quot;you an to tellno one has ever told you that before?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;my professor did,&a;a;a;quot; she finally said, &a;a;a;quot;but i guess i didnt believe hi&a;a;a;quot;
he khere was re. allie looked away before tinuing. &a;a;a;quot;ive been drawing and painting since i was a child. i guess that once i got a little older, i began to think i was good at it. i e, too. i reer w on this painting that suer, adding to it every day, ging it as our relationship ged. i dont even reer how it started or what i wa to be, but sohow it evolved into this. i reer being uo stop painting after i went ho that suer. i think it wasway of avoiding the pain i was going through. anyway, i ended up j in art illege because it was sothing i had to do; i reer spending hours iudio all by self and enjoying every nute. i loved the freedoi felt when i created, the way it defeel io ke sothiiful. just before i graduated,professor, who happeo also be the critic for the paper, toldi had a lot of talent. he toldi should tryluck as an artist. but i didnt listen to hi&a;a;a;quot;
she stopped there, gatherihoughts. &a;a;a;quot;my parents didnt think it roper for soone liketo paint for a living. i just stopped after a while. i havent touched a brush in years.&a;a;a;quot;
she stared at the painting.
&a;a;a;quot;do you think youll ever paint again?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;inot sure if ianyre. its been a long ti.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;youstill do it, allie. i know you . you have a talent that es froinside you, froyour heart, not froyour fingers. what you have t ever go away. its what other people only dreaabout. youre an artist, allie.&a;a;a;quot;
the words were spoken with such siy that she knew he wasnt saying it just to be nice. he truly believed in her ability, and for so reason that ant re to her than she expected. but sothing else happehen, sothing even re powerful.
why it happened, she never knew, but this was when the chasbegan to close for allie, the chasshe had erected in her life to separate the pain frothe pleasure. and she suspected then, ybe not sciously, that there was re to this than even she cared to adt.
but at that nt she still wasnt pletely aware of it, and she turo face hi she reached over and touched his hand, hesitantly, gently, azed that after all these years hed sohow knowly what shed o hear. when their eyes locked, she once again realized how special he was.
and for just a fleeting nt, a tiny wisp of ti that hung in the air like fireflies in suer skies, she wondered if she was in love with hiagain.
the tir went off i, a sll ding, and noah turned away, breaking the nt, strangely affected by what had just happened between the her eyes had spoken to hiand whispered sothing he loo hear, yet huldnt stop the voiside his head, her voice, that had told hiof her love for another n. he silently cursed the tir as he walked to the kit and reved the bread frothe oven. he alst burned his fingers, dropped the loaf oer, and saw that the frying pan was ready. he added the vegetables and heard thebegin to crackle. then, ttering to hielf, he got so butter out of the icebox, spread so on the bread, aed a bit re for the crabs.
allie had followed hiinto the kit and cleared her throat. &a;a;a;quot; i get the table ready?&a;a;a;quot;
noah used the bread knife as a pointer. &a;a;a;quot;sure, plates are over there. utensils and napkins there. make sure you get plenty - crabsbe ssy, so well need e&a;a;a;quot;
huldnt look at her as he spoke. he didnt want to realize hed been staken about what had just happened between the he didnt want it to be a stake.
allie, too, was w about the nt and feeling waras she thought of it. the words hed spoken replayed in her head as she found everything she needed for the table: plates, place settings, salt and pepper. noah handed her the bread as she was finishing the table, and their fiouched briefly.
he turned his attention back to the frying pan and turhe vegetables. he lifted the lid of the stear, saw the crabs still had a nute, aheok so re. he was re posed now auro sll talk, easy versation. &a;a;a;quot;have you ever had crab before?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;uple of tis. but only in salads.&a;a;a;quot;
he laughed. &a;a;a;quot;then youre in for an adventure. hold on a sed.&a;a;a;quot; he disappeared upstairs for a nt, theurned with a navy blue button-down shirt. he held it open for her.
&a;a;a;quot;herbbr&a;a;gt;藏书网&a;a;lt;/abbr&a;a;gt;e, put this on. i dont want you to stain your dress.&a;a;a;quot;
allie put it on and slled the fragrahat lingered in the shirt - his sll, distinctive, natural.
&a;a;a;quot;dont worry,&a;a;a;quot; he said, seeing her expression, &a;a;a;quot;its .&a;a;a;quot;
she laughed. &a;a;a;quot;i know. it just rendsof our first real date. you gaveyour jacket that night, reer?&a;a;a;quot;
he nodded. &a;a;a;quot;yeah, i reer. fin and sarah were with us. fi elbowihe whole way back to your parents house, trying to getto hold your hand.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;you didnt, though.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;no,&a;a;a;quot; he answered, shaking his head.
&a;a;a;quot;why not?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;shy, ybe, or afraid. i dont know. it just didnt seelike the right thing to do at the ti.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;e to think of it, you were kind of shy, werent you?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;i prefer the words quiet fidence,&a;a;a;quot; he answered with a wink, and she sled.
the vegetables and crabs were ready about the sa ti. &a;a;a;quot;be careful, theyre hot,&a;a;a;quot; he said as he haheto her, and they sat across froeach other at the sll wooden table. then, realizing the tea was still oer, allie stood and brought it over. after putting so vegetables and bread on their plates, noah added a crab, and allie sat for a nt, staring at it.
&a;a;a;quot;it looks like a bug.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;a good bug, though,&a;a;a;quot; he said. &a;a;a;quot;here, letshow you how its done.&a;a;a;quot;
he denstrated quickly, king it look easy, reving the at and putting it on her plate.
allie crushed the legs too hard the first ti and the ti after that, and had to use her fio get the shells away frothe at. she felt cluy at first, w that he saw every stake, but then she realized her own insecurity. he didnt care about things like that. he never had.
&a;a;a;quot;so, whatever happeo fin?&a;a;a;quot; she asked. it took a sed for hito answer.
&a;a;a;quot;fin died in the war. his destroyer was torpedoed in forty-three.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;isorry,&a;a;a;quot; she said. &a;a;a;quot;i know he was a good friend of yours.&a;a;a;quot;
his voice ged, a little deeper no;quot;he was. i think of hia lot these days. i especially reer the last ti i saw hi id e ho to say good-bye before i enlisted, and we ran into each ain. he was a banker here, like his daddy was, and he and i spent a lot of ti together over theweek. sotis i think i talked hiinto joining. i dont think he would have, except that i was going to.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;thats not fair,&a;a;a;quot; she said, sorry shed brought up the subject.
&a;a;a;quot;youre right. i just ss hi is all.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;i liked hi too. he delaugh.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;he was always good at that.&a;a;a;quot;
she looked at hislyly. &a;a;a;quot;he had a crush on , you kno;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;i know. he toldabout it.&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;he did? what did he say?&a;a;a;quot;
noah shrugged. &a;a;a;quot;the usual for hi that he had to fight you off with a stick. that you chased histantly, that sort of thing.&a;a;a;quot;
she laughed quietly. &a;a;a;quot;did you believe hi&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;ourse,&a;a;a;quot; he answered, &a;a;a;quot;why wouldnt i?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;you n always stick together,&a;a;a;quot; she said as she reached across the table, poking his arwith her finger. she went on. &a;a;a;quot;so, telleverything youve been up to since i saw you last.&a;a;a;quot;
they started to talk then, king up for lost ti. noah talked about leaving new bern, about w in the shipyard and at the scrap yard in new jersey. he spoke fondly of moldn and touched on the war a little, avoiding st of the details, and told her about his father and how ch he ssed hi allie talked about going tllege, painting, and her hours spent volunteering at the hospital. she talked about her faly and friends and the charities she was involved with. her of thebrought up anybody they had dated siheyd last seen each other. even lon was ignored, and though both of thenoticed the ossioher ntio.
afterward allie tried to reer the last ti she and lon had talked this way. although he listened well and they seldued, he was not the type of n to talk like this. like her father, he wasnt fortable sharing his thoughts and feelings. shed tried to explain that she o be closer to hi but it had never seed to ke a difference.
but sitting here now, she realized what shed been ssing.
the sky grew darker and the on rose higher as the evening wore on. and without either of thebeing scious of it, they began taiicy, the bond of faliarity, they had once shared.
they finished dinner, both pleased with the al, her talking ow. noah looked at his watd saw that it was getting late. the stars were out in full, the crickets a little quieter. he had ealking to allie and wondered if hed talked too ch, wondered what shed thought about his life, hoping it would sohow ke a difference, if iuld.
noah got up and refilled the teapot. they both brought the dishes to the sink and ed up the table, and he poured two re cups of hot water, adding teabags to both.
&a;a;a;quot;how about the porch again?&a;a;a;quot; he asked, handihe cup, and she agreed, leading the way. he grabbed a quilt for her in case she gold, and soon they had taken their places again, the quilt over her legs, rockers ving. noah watched her frothe er of his eye. god, shes beautiful, he thought. and inside, he ached.
for sothing had happened during dinner. quite sily, he had fallen in love again. he khat now as they sat o one another. fallen in love with a new allie, not just her ry. but then, he had never really stopped, and this, he realized, was his destiny.
&a;a;a;quot;its been quite a night,&a;a;a;quot; he said, his voice softer now.
&a;a;a;quot;yes, it has,&a;a;a;quot; she said, &a;a;a;quot;a wonderful night.&a;a;a;quot;
noah turo the stars, their twinkling lights rending hithat she would be leaving soon, and he felt alst ety ihis was a night he wanted o end. how should he tell her? whauld he say that would ke her stay?
he didnt know. and thus the decision was de to say nothing. and he realized then that he had failed.
the rockers ved in quiet rhyth bats again, over the river. moths kissing the porch light. sowhere, he khere were people king love.
&a;a;a;quot;talk to ,&a;a;a;quot; she finally said, her voice sensual. or was his nd playing tricks?
&a;a;a;quot;what should i say?&a;a;a;quot;
&a;a;a;quot;talk like you did touhe oak tree.&a;a;a;quot;
and he did, reg distant passages, toasting the night. whitn and thos, because he loved the iges. tennyson and browning, because their thes felt so faliar.
she rested her head against the back of the rocker, closing her eyes, growing just a bit warr by the ti hed finished. it wasnt just the poe or his voice that did it. it was all of it, the whole greater than the suof the parts. she didnt try to break it down, didnt want to, because it was to be listeo that oetry, she thought, wasnt written to be analyzed; it was ant to inspire without reason, to touch without uanding.
because of hi shed goo a few poetry readings offered by the english departnt while illege. shed sat and listeo different people, different poe, but had stopped soon after, disced that no one inspired her or seed as inspired as true lovers of poetry should be.
they rocked for a while, drinking tea, sitting quietly, drifting ihoughts.
the pulsion that had driven her here was gone now - she was glad for this - but she worried about the feelings that had taken its place, the stirrings that had begun to sift and swirl in her pores like gold dust in river pans. shed tried to deny the hide frothe but now she realized that she didnt want theto stop. it had been years since shed felt this way.
lould not evoke these feelings in her. he never had and probably never would. maybe that was why she had never been to bed with hi he had tried before, ny tis, using everything froflowers to guilt, and she had always used the excuse that she wao wait until rriage. he took it well, usually, and she sotis wondered how hurt he would be if he ever found out about noah.
but there was so