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as a single n, i have spent a good deal ofti in noting down the infirties of married people, to yself for those superior pleasures, which they telli have lost by reining as i a
i ot say that the quarrels of n and their wives ever de any great iression upon , or had ch tendency tthenin those anti-social resolutions, which i took up long ago upon re substantial siderations. what ofte offendsat the houses of rried persons where i visit, is an error of quite a different description; -- it is that they are too loving.
not too loviher: that does not explainaning. besides, why should that offehe very act of separating theelves frothe rest of the world, to have the fuller enjoynt of each others society, ilies that they prefer one ao all the world.
but what i plain of is, that they carry this preference so undisguisedly, they perk it up in the faces of us single people so shalessly, you ot be in their pany a nt without being de to feel, by so i hint or open avowal, that you are not the object of this preferenow there are so things which give no offence, while ilied or taken franted rely; but expressed, there is ch offen the if a o st the first holy-featured or plain-dressed young won of his acquaintance, and tell her bluntly, that she was not handso h for hi and huld not rry her, he would deserve to be kicked for his ill nners; yet no less is ilied in the fact, that having aess and opportunity of putting the question to her, he has never yet thought fit to do it. the young won uands this as clearly as if it were put into words; but no reasonable young won would think of king this the ground of a quarrel. just as little right have a rrieuple to tellby speeches, and looks that are scarce less plain than speeches, that i anot the happy n,the ladys choice. it is enough that i know i anot: i do not want this perpetual rending.
the display of superior knowledge or riches y be de suffitly rtifying; but these adt of a palliative. the knowledge which is brought out to insult , y actally irove ; and in the rich ns houses and pictures, -- his parks and gardens, i have a teorary usufruct at least. but the display of rried happiness has none of these palliatives: it is throughout pure, unrepensed, unqualified insult.
marriage by its best title is a nopoly, and not of the least invidious sort. it is the ing of st possessors of any exclusive privilege to keep their advantage as ch out of sight as possible, that their less favoured neighbours, seeing little of the be, y the less be disposed to question the right. but these rried nopolists thrust the st obnoxious part of their patent into our faces.
nothing is tore distasteful than that entire plad satisfa which beaienances of a new-rrieuple, -- in that of the lady particularly: it tells you, that her lot is disposed of in this world: that youhave no hopes of her. it is true, i have none; nor wishes either, perhaps: but this is one of those truths which ought, as i said before, to be taken franted, not expressed.
the excessive airs which bbr&a;a;gt;&a;a;lt;/abbr&a;a;gt;those people give theelves, founded on the ignorance of us unrried people, would be re offensive if they were less irrational. we will allow theto uand the steries belonging to their own craft better than we who have not had the happio be de free of the pany: but their arrogance is not tent within these lits. if a single person presu to offer his opinion in their presehough upon the st indifferent subject, he is iediately silenced as an i person. nay, a young rried lady ofacquaintance, who, the best of the jest was, had not ged her dition above a fht before, in a question on which i had the sfortuo differ froher, respeg the properest de of breeding oysters for the london rket, had the assurao ask with a sneer, how su old bachelor as uld pretend to know any thing about such tters.
but what i have spoken of hitherto is nothing to the airs which these creatures give theelves when they e, as they generally do, to have children. when i sider how little of a rarity children are, -- that every street and blind alley swar with the -- that the poorest people only have thein st abundance, -- that there are few rriages that are not blest with at least one of these bargains, -- how ofteurn out ill, a the fond hopes of their parents, taking to viciouurses, whid in poverty, disgrace, the gallows, &a;a;a;a;c. -- i ot forlife tell what cause for pride therepossibly be in having the if they were young phoenixes, ihat were born but one in a year, there ght be a pretext. but when they are so on -
i do not advert to the i rit which they assu with their husbands on these oasions. let thelook to that. but ho are not their natural-born subjects, should be expected t our spices, rrh, and inse, -- our tribute and hoge of adration, -- i do not see.
&a;a;a;quot;like as the arrows in the hand of the giant, even so are the young children:&a;a;a;quot; so says the excellent offi our prayer-book appointed for the churg of won. &a;a;a;quot;happy is the n that hath his quiver full of the&a;a;a;quot; so say i; but then do hidischarge his quiver upon us that are onless ; -- let thebe arrows, but not to gall and stick us. i have generally observed that these arrows are double-headed: they have two forks, to be sure to hit with one or the other. as for instance, when you e into a house which is full of children, if you happen to take no notice of the(you are thinking of sothing else, perhaps, and turn a deaf ear to their i caresses), you are set down as untractable, rose, a hater of children. oher hand, if you find there than usually engaging,if you are taken with their pretty nners, a about in earo ro and play with the so pretext or other is sure to be found for sending theout of the roo they are too noisy or boisterous, or mr. -- does not like children. with one or other of these forks the arrow is sure to hit you.
uld five their jealousy, and dispeh toying with their brats, if it gives theany pain; but i think it unreasoo be called upon to love the where i see no oasion, -- to love a whole faly, perhaps, eight, nine, or ten, indiscrio love all the pretty dears, because children are so engaging.
i know there is a proverb, &a;a;a;quot;love , lovedog:&a;a;a;quot; that is not always so very practicable, particularly if the dog be set upon you to tease you or snap at you in sport. but a dog or a lesser thing -- any inanite substance, as a keep-sake, a watch or a ring, a tree, or the place where arted whenfrie aon a long absence, ike shift to love, because i love hi and any thing that rendsof hi provided it be in its nature indifferent, and apt to receive whatever hue fanbsp; give it. but children have a real character and an essential being of theelves: they are aable or unaable per se; i st love or hate theas i see cause for either in their qualities. a childs nature is too serious a thing to adt of its being regarded as a re appeo another being, and to be loved or hated aly: they stand withupon their own stock, as ch as n and won do. o! but you will say, sure it is an attractive age, there is sothing iender years of infancy that of itself char us. that is the very reason why i are nice about the i know that a sweet child is the sweetest thing in nature, not even excepting the delicate creatures which bear the but the prettier the kind of a thing is, the re desirable it is that it should be pretty of its kind. one daisy differs not ch froanother in glory; but a violet should look and sll the dai. -- i was always rather squeash inwon and children.
but this is not the worst: one st be adtted into their faliarity at least, before theyplain of iion. it ilies visits, and so kind of inturse. but if the husband be a n with whoyou have lived on a friendly footing before rriage,if you did not e in on the wifes side, -- if you did not sneak into the house irain, but were an old friend in fast habits of inticy before theiurtship was so ch as thought on, -- look about you -- your tenure is precarious -- before a t&a;a;lt;big&a;a;gt;&a;a;lt;/big&a;a;gt;welve-nth shall roll over your head, you shall find your old friend gradually grool and altered towards you, and at last seek opportunities of breaking with you. i have scarce a rried friend ofacquaintance, upon whose firfaith irely, whose friendship did he period of his rriage. with so litations theyehat: but that the good n should have dared to enter into a sole league of friendship in which they were not sulted, though it happened before they knew hi -- before they that are now are n and wife ever t, -- this is intolerable to the every long friendship, every old authentiticy, st he brought into their office to be aed with their currency, as a sn prince calls in the good old hat was ed in sn before he was born or thought of, to be new rked and nted with the sta of his authority, before he will let it pass current in the world. you y guess what luck generally befalls such a rusty pieetal as i ain these new ntings.
innurable are the ways which they take to insult and woryou out of their husbands fidence. laughing at all you say with a kind of wonder, as if you were a queer kind of fellow that said good things, but an oddity, is one of the ways -- they have a particular kind of stare for the purpose -- till at last the husband, who used to defer to your judgnt, and would pass over so excresces of uanding and nner for the sake of a gen&a;a;lt;bdi&a;a;gt;&a;a;lt;/bdi&a;a;gt;eral vein of observation (not quite vulgar) which he perceived in you, begins to suspect whether you are not altogether a hurist, -- a fellow well enough to have sorted with in his bachelor days, but not quite so proper to be introduced to ladies. this y be called the staring way; and is that which has ofte been put in practice against .
then there is the exaggerating way, or the way of irony: that is, where they find you an object of especial regard with their husband, who is not so easily to be shaken frothe lasting attat founded oeewhich he has ceived towards you; by never-qualified exaggerations to cry up all that you say or do, till the good n, who uands well enough that it is all done in plint to hi grows weary of the debt of gratitude which is due to so ch dor, and by relaxing a little on his part, and taking doeg or two in his enthusias sinks at length to that kindly level of derate estee -- that &a;a;a;quot;det affe and plat kindness&a;a;a;quot; towards you, where she herselfjoin in syathy with hiwithout ch stretd violeo her siy.
another way (for the ways they have to aplish so desirable a purpose are infinite) is, with a kind of i silicity, tinually to stake what it was which first de their husband fond of you. if aeefor sothing excellent in your ral character was that which riveted thewhich she is to break, upon any iginary dvery of a want of poignan your versation, she will cry, &a;a;a;quot;i thought,dear, you described your friend, mr. -- as a great wit.&a;a;a;quot; if, oher hand, it was for so supposed charin your versation that he first grew to like you, and was tent for this to overlook so trifling irregularities in your ral deportnt, upon the first notice of any of these she as readily exclai, &a;a;a;quot;this,dear, is yood mr. ----.&a;a;a;quot; one good lady whoi took the liberty of expostulating with for not showingquite so ch respect as i thought due to her husbands old friend, had the dour to fess tothat she had often heard mr. -- - speak ofbefore rriage, and that she had ceived a great desire to be acquainted with , but that the sight ofhad very ch disappointed her expectations; for froher husbands representations of , she had ford a notion that she was to see a fiall, officer-like looking n (i use her very words); the very reverse of which proved to be the truth. this was did; and i had the civility not to ask her iurn, how she ca to pitch upon a standard of personal aplishnts for her husbands friends which differed so ch frohis own; forfriends dinsions as near as possible approxite to ne; he standing five feet five in his shoes, in which i have the advantage of hiby about half an inch; and he no .ore than self exhibiting any indications of a rtial character in his air or tenance.
these are so of the rtifications which i have entered in the absurd attet to visit at their houses. to ee theall would be a vain endeavour: i shall therefore just gla the very propriety of which rried ladies are guilty, of treating us as if we were their husbands, and vice versa -- . i an, when they use us with faliarity, and their husbands with cereny. testacea, for instance, keptthe ht two or three hours beyondusual ti of supping, while she was fretting because mr. -- did not e ho, till the oysters were all spoiled, rather than she would he guilty of the ioliteness of toug one in his&a;a;lt;tt&a;a;gt;?t&a;a;gt; absehis was reversing the point of good nners: for cereny is an iion to take off the uneasy feeling which we derive froknowing ourselves to be less the object of love aeewith a fellow-creature than so other person is. it endeavors to ke up by superior attentions in little points, for that invidious preference which it is forced to deny in the greater. had testacea kept the oysters bae, and withstood her husbands iortuo go to supper, she would have acted a to the strict rules of propriety. i know no cereny that ladies are bound to observe to their husbands, beyond the point of a dest behaviour aherefore i st protest against the vicarious gluttony of cerasia, who at her own table sent away a dish of morellas, which i lying to with great good will, to her husband at the other end of the table, and reended a plate of less extraordinary goose- berries tounwedded palate in their stead. heri excuse the wanton affront of -
but i aweary of stringing up allrried acquaintance by ron denonations. let theand aheir nners, or i prose to rd the full-length english of their o the terror of all such desperate offenders in future.
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